American author (1842-1914)
A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves. He is like the lower end of a suspended chain; you can sway him slightly to the right or the left, but remove your hand and he falls into line with the other links.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
It is God's own crystal truth that in dealing with women unfortunate enough to be compelled to earn their own living and fortunate enough to have wrested from Fate an opportunity to do so, men of business and affairs treat them with about the same delicate consideration that they show to dogs and horses of the inferior breeds.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A Cynic Looks at Life
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
In the last analysis, ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
If public opinion were determined by a throw of the dice, it would in the long run be half the time right.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Youth looks forward, for nothing is behind! Age backward, for nothing is before.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
LABOR, n. One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
MAYONNAISE, n. One of the sauces that serve the French in place of a state religion.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
DUTY, n. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
A popular author is one who writes what the people think. Genius invites them to think something else.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something he can see and feel.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
Happiness has not to all the same name: to Youth she is known as the Future; Age knows her as the Dream.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
The sky is a concave mirror in which Man sees his own distorted image and seeks to propitiate it.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
EDUCATION, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Mark how my fame rings out from zone to zone:
A thousand critics shouting: "He's unknown!"
AMBROSE BIERCE
Couplet
Realism, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seen by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
BORE, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary