American author and humorist (1862-1922)
As Eve was the only cook in all Christendom at the time, the idea of not coming home to dinner never occurred to Adam.
JOHN KENDRICK BANGS
The Autobiography of Methuselah
Please do not steal my kitchen stove. If you need a stove steal something else like the telephone book or that empty bottle of Woostershire Sauce standing on the parlor mantelpiece with the daisy in it, and sell them to buy a new stove with the money. I've had that stove for ten years and it has only just learned how to cook and it would be very annoying to me to have to get a new one and have to teach it how I like my potatoes done.
JOHN KENDRICK BANGS
Mollie and the Unwiseman Abroad
It always pays to be generous with that which costs you nothing.
JOHN KENDRICK BANGS
The Autobiography of Methuselah
You don't catch me sending my voice to Philadelphia when the chances are I may need it any minute around here to frighten burglars away with. The idea of a man's being so foolish as to send his voice way out to Chicago on a wire with nobody to look after it, stumps me.
JOHN KENDRICK BANGS
Mollie and the Unwiseman Abroad
From earth, and sky, and sea,
Let cheer come unto me,
And mirth, and tenderness,
And all the things that bless,
That I may pass them on to those
Who suffer woes;
Not keep them for mine own.
JOHN KENDRICK BANGS
"The Gifts Divine", Songs of Cheer
To take things as they be --
Thet's my philosophy.
No use to holler, mope, or cuss --
If they was changed they might be wuss.
JOHN KENDRICK BANGS
"A Philosopher", Songs of Cheer